Sorry, I got behind again on my posts.  As I can see from reviewing my “comments” to my April post, I may need to review the summer “notice” provisions again.  It appears that many of you get confused because one party is learning to “game” the system.  What I mean by that is this:

• Non custodial parent (ncp) is entitled to thirty days in the summer and must elect their time by April 1 or it will revert to July 1 – July 31st.  Let’s pretend I am the ncp and I send written notice on March 31st via certified mail and first class mail.  First problem is that the custodial parent (cp) does not pick up the certified mail and it just sits.  It does not matter.  I met the notice requirements and they are on notice whether they pick up or not.  To be safe, i may also send via email.
• Here is where I “game” it.  I pick my first two weeks to be as follows – July 8th until July 20th.  That is the first part of my extended summer possession and accounts for 12 days.  HOWEVER, look at your calendar.  I also get standard weekends in the summer.  That means that I will pick up the child on July 6th at 6:00 p.m. and keep the child until Sunday the 8th at 6:00 p.m.  My next possession is my extended summer possession and begins on Sunday the 8th at 6:00 p.m.  That means I keep the child from the weekend.  My possession then goes until Friday the 20th at 6:00 p.m., but wait, I also get that weekend as it is a third weekend, and it begins on Friday at 6:00 p.m. so I would keep the child until that Sunday at 6:00 p.m. before I returned to cp.

As you can see from that hypothetical, I have only used twelve days of my extended summer possession, but have gotten 16 days out of it.  I can do this all over again one more time if I wanted to.  That is what you call gaming the system.

This post answers a few of the comments I had regarding notice under the standard possession order in Texas.  There were many more and I will try to address them as they come up.

Talk to you soon.

Okay, after a long hiatus I am back.  Next month is April…what do we have on tap for standard visitation?  Click on the link for a review of last years April visitation.  I think I was smarter back then anyway as now I am out of the groove.

March is finishing with a 5th weekend (measured by Friday) of the month so the noncustodial parent (the one without custody ) will have had the last weekend in March (30th) and the first weekend in April (6th).  The other weekend visit will be the 20th of April.  Of course you know when your visits start and end, correct?

For Thursdays (or Wednesdays in older orders).  You should have every one this month.

If your children are out for the Easter weekend, then the provisions dealing with a long weekend will be in effect.  This means that if your child is out on Good Friday, then the visit which normally would have started on Friday, will now begin at the same time on Thursday.  If they are out Monday, your visit will extend to Monday evening from Sunday evening (assuming your visits end at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday) or return to school on Tuesday if your visits end when school resumes on Monday.

Other than this, I do not see anything that jumps out at me for an April standard visitation order in Texas.  As I always say, READ YOUR ORDER.  Nothing I post here has any relevance if your order is different from the standard possession order.  When in doubt, contact a local attorney to understand your rights and duties.

As a practicing family law attorney one issue which is constantly raised is whether it is okay for the child to be around a significant other.  This can from the person with the new “friend” or the other side.  In any case, my answer is that typically the Judge’s frown on allowing the child to know and/or be involved with boyfriends and girlfriends, at least that is the case in Dallas and Collin county.  I would suspect it would be the same where you live.

I found an interesting article in the Florida Divorce Law Blog that discusses this very issue (or similar issue).  They were citing an article from the Institute of American Values.  I am not sure how reliable this information is, but it brings up the interesting topic of cohabitation.  Read the article and report and form your own opinion on the subject.

Even if you do not believe the article or the source, I would have to tend to agree with the underlying theory that children would suffer from these potential short term relationships.  This includes boyfriends and girlfriends in a divorce.  Be smart about your choices of who you expose your children to.

Thanks for hanging in there.

The weekend visits this month are the 4th and 18th.  The parent with standard visitation will also get each Thursday this month (including Thanksgiving).  Pretty simple, right?

Now the hard part – the Thanksgiving holiday.  The age old question in most of our visitation battles is “when does school let out for the Thanksgiving holiday”?  If the child is off for the entire week of Thanksgiving, then visitation is a no-brainer.  The non-custodial parent gets visitation beginning Friday the 18th and keeps the child until the Sunday following the Thanksgiving holiday (or return to school Monday depending upon your order).  This includes if the Monday and Tuesday are “in-service” days or the kids are not otherwise in school.

However, if the children have school on Monday the 21st, then your weekend ends at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday the 20th or, depending upon your order, at the time school resumes that Monday.  Your next possession would begin when the child is let out of school for the Thanksgiving holiday, typically Tuesday or Wednesday in this scenario.  It will end on the Sunday following the holiday.  Your next possession will be in November.

It seems easy enough when I write this, but I know there will be a million questions as the holiday approaches.  I will do my best to answer each of your questions in a timely manner so feel free to comment.I hope everyone has a happy Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Talk to you next month.

For weekends you will have the 7th and the 21st and the there will be 4 Thursday visits this month (or Wednesday for older orders).

There are two holidays this month we have to deal with.  The first is Columbus day.  This is a Monday holiday and falls on a standard visitation weekend (1st).  If your child has off for Columbus day, review your order as you will have an additional day.  If you normally return at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday, then you will return at 6:00 p.m. on Monday.  If you return to school Monday then you will return to school Tuesday.  This is a pretty straight forward holiday.

Let’s talk about the bigger elephant in the room.  Halloween.  It falls on a Monday this year, and it is not a standard visitation order weekend (i.e. 1st, 3rd or 5th).  If you do not have  a special provision in your order for Halloween, then without an agreement, you will not get Halloween this year.  I would suggest working now on an agreement for that weekend.  Perhaps you could offer to give up one of your weekend nights in exchange for Halloween night.

If you reach agreements, get it in writing.

Have a good October!

Also, September had labor day weekend.  That would have extended the standard weekend possession until Monday at 6:00 p.m. or return to school Tuesday depending on your order.  This month also has a 5th weekend which is the 5th Friday of the month, the 30th.  That means you will get that weekend and then the very next Friday (the 7th) because it will be the 1st Friday of the month.  Comprende?

As I always say, I am only addressing the standard possession order in Texas.  If you have a modified order then you will need to review and compare your terms with what I am describing and determine the difference.

Talk to you soon…

For weekend possessions this month, the non-custodial parent will get the weekends of the 5th and 19th.  Thursdays (or Wednesdays if you have an older order) will begin on the first Thursday following the kids first day at school.  If they begin on a Thursday then they begin that evening.

I have had quite a few questions/discussions this summer about weekends during the summer in a standard visitation order in Texas.  I have talked about this in the past in a discussion about weekend visitation and summer possession.  I do not know how to make it any clearer, but here it goes:

WEEKEND VISITATIONS CONTINUE IN THE SUMMER, THURSDAYS (OR WEDNESDAYS IN THE CASE OF OLD ORDERS) DO NOT.  I think that should clear it up.  If the child is not on an extended period of summer possession then the weekends (1st, 3rd, and 5th) continue just as they do during the school year.  Comprende?

Comment if you have any questions.

1. Do not discuss the divorce with your children, regardless of their age. This includes discussions within ear shot of your children.  Guaranteed that any information discussed, and overheard by your children, will make your children feel guilty or sad.
2. Do not use your children as messengers. Communicate with the other parent like an adult.  If the other parent is acting like a child then communicate through official procedures that can be tracked (i.e. certified mail, hand delivered items through a deliver company, etc…).  There are many other ways to communicate than through your children.  Again, if you are doing this, you are devastating your children, whether they show it or not.
3. Never speak poorly about the other parent. If you need to vent, do it when the children are no where around.  Otherwise, speak positively about the other parent in front of the child and remind them that the other parent loves them very much.  No matter how painful that might be for you, you are an adult, suck it up.  You don’t like going to the dentist, but you do it (I hope).  Which is more important, your teeth cleaning or your children?  As Nike says – “Just Do It”.  Bottom line, if you draw a line in the sand and force the child to choose sides, it may not be your side.
4. Never speak poorly about the other parent’s new partner. Think of how much time that person will be spending with your child.  Do you want them on your side or against you?  You may not be able to control how they feel about you, but if they are the negative person and you are supportive of their position, who do you think your child will side with?  Be the bigger person.
5. Don’t hide. Alert your children’s teachers, counselors, daycare providers and coaches that your child may be experiencing a difficult time. They can keep you up-to-date on how your child is feeling. People may work to keep your child upbeat and positive if they know he or she is troubled about a separated family.
6. Don’t write scandalous or disparaging declarations about the other parent, their partner or any of their family members in your legal proceeding. The urge to write something mean is temporary, while declarations filed with the Court become public record. Consider that when your child turns 18 years old, he or she may go to the courthouse to read the file.  This is a GREAT point.  They will get curious someday and go look at that file.  What do you want them to hear you saying?
7. Both parents should be independently responsible for their child’s health, welfare, safety and happiness. Make sure you have everything they need at your house. Don’t rely on the other parent to provide diapers, clothing or toys. Your child should ideally have almost everything at both homes.  Additionally, if your child brings something from the other house, send it back.  Again, you are an adult.  Act like it.
8. Consistency is your child’s source of stability during this emotional time. Do not disrupt your child’s routine by removing them from any activities that make them happy.  Don’t discuss the financial costs of such activities with your child.  Include the other parent in activities of the child.  I can assure you that the best day your child will have post separation or divorce is when they both attend an event for the child and they are cordial.  Don’t you want to make your child happy?
9. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. You may have less income than ever before because you are paying child support or relying on the other parent’s income for support, but your children’s needs come first. You should not be embarrassed or too proud to request financial aid during this time. Try to keep life as normal as possible for your child, within your new means.
10. Don’t give up! You are your child’s role model. As hard as it may be, stay focused. Your moods affect your child’s moods and behaviors. Children mimic their parents. You do not want your child to be sad, angry or resentful. If you dwell on the negative issues, then you are setting your child up for failure.

I read these in the post linked above, but the original article came from Alameda Family Law Attorney Tells Parents How They Can Make Divorce Easier on Their Kids by Gina Mariani.

1. Unemployment by men increases risk of divorce while unemployment by women had no major effect;
2. The rural population is rapidly catching the urban population in divorces;
3. Long commutes to work could increase the risk of divorce;
4. Sports fans may be at a higher risk of divorce when the spouse has no interest in the sport; and
5. Video games could contribute to divorce.

There is a pattern here.  If you do not spend enough time with your spouse you could be looking at the possibility of divorce.  If you fall into any of these categories, or others that monopolize your time, sit down and think long and hard about how much time you are spending with your significant other.  If you find that the answer is “not a lot”, then I suggest you set aside time for them much like you find time for the other activities otherwise those activities might show up on the “causes of divorce” studies.

The post linked above was a guest post from Charles Sipe, Executive Editor of Criminal Justice Degree Schools.