I read an excellent article on Divorce 360 regarding how to handle the Halloween holiday when recently divorced or in the divorce process. As always, being reasonable and viewing your decisions and statements through the eyes of the children is the best way to handle things. If you need a little help with this, they offer 5 tips in their article “Tips to Help You and your Ex Make this Halloween Fun for the Kids”:
1. Keep children informed.
Let the child know ahead of time what will happen on the holiday “so that different expectations will not arise,” Shoshanna said.
2. Don’t put the kids in the middle.Don’t ask, ‘Do you want to spend Halloween at my house of your mom’s (or dad’s)?’, ” said Blackstone Ford. “That approach tests your child’s allegiance. Better to ask, ‘Where would you like to spend Halloween?”‘
3. Share your children.“If possible, see if you can share the time during a holiday so that all participate. Perhaps each parent can take half of the time. Or, for Halloween, for example, perhaps one parent can get the costumes and dress the child and the other parent go with them for the trick and treating,” Shoshanna said.
4. Treat the other parent well.According to Shoshanna, it is “very helpful for children to see that their parents are treating one another respectuflly during holiday times (as always). Don’t use this occasion to reminisce about the pass or say negative things about your ex.”
5. Make your own plans.If you’re a parent who is alone during a holiday, don’t make a big deal about it or create upset about it in the child. Find a friend to share the time with. Or, use the time to volunteer and be with others. “You don’t want to child to feel that they’re enjoying the holiday while the other parent is sad or alone,” Shoshanna said. “This may create guilt in them and prevent them from having a good time.”
While divorce can be a painful process, especially during the holidays, always remember to view the situation through the eyes of your child. Children do not care about the divorce or anything associated with it, they care about Halloween, collecting candy and having fun. Do not put your children in the middle of you divorce.